A long week

After my last post, I was actually very happy. I only noticed my change in mood because it's been so long since I felt that way. It all started last Monday when I started instant messaging with someone who randomly added me on Facebook. We talked all day and I suppose it made me not feel lonely, because that alone made me feel better. So, yeah, that lasted for about four days and then it got too hot at night, so I couldn't sleep a full night and for the past four days I've reverted to my usual miserable self.

On Monday, I had a meeting about my ESA claim, which after what seemed like hours of emotional breakdowns, I got turned down for. I'm more than dissapointed and pissed of about that, because the doctor at the meeting didn't ask me anything about my M.E., but just about my depression that isn't even that bad. Plus the judge didn't believe a word I said, especially when he questioned how many friends I have. (Or lack there of) Plus the whole thing was stressful and I felt really sick and tired, and in the end it wasn't even worth it.! So now I have no income until I turn eighteen (so I'm told), which is a shame, because I really need a new bed. But hopefull my youth worker can help me out and get me some work experience, so when I turn eighteen, I don;t have to worry about suddenly finding a job, or going on various courses. Right now though, my plan is just to start getting fit again, I was already planning to do so anyway, but now I have to jump into it, instead of going at my own pace. I'm hoping that communicating with people, even if it is just on the internet, will help me out and make me feel less isolated, because I think the loneliness is one of my biggest problems. On the upside, I think my shyness is going away, because I don't feel as threatened when I meet new people nowadays as I always have in the past.

My dad and I have been getting on better. I've got him addicted to the show Come Dine With Me It's got bitchiness, snarky comments and food in it, just the way he likes it. :P He kept saying that he wouldn't like it, now he can't get enough of it. He was the same with Wife Swap.

I've stopped reading again. I read a few Mills & Boon books then got tired of reading, so I started playing Sims2. I keep trying not to cheat in the game, but I just can't help myself. Plus, I thought I had all the expansion packs, but I haven't, I'm missing Apartment Life. I was going to buy it on Amazon, but the only copy they had was a used one, so I'm gonna have see if it's in a Game store or keep checking online for one. Right now though, I feel like playing Sims City 4, but I'm sure I'll do badly at that game, I usually do. Anyway, Imma go now, TTFN.

Weird...

I'm feeling weird today. I was fine earlier in the week, me and my mum were having a happy week - we were laughing a lot. Things mostly flipped for me after Thursday. My mum and I went into town to get our hair down -Finally.! - And to get my dad train tickets for his trip down to London next month visiting his parents. We, excluding my father, are happy about him leaving us for nearly a week, but he doesn't want to see his parents and only wants to be away for 2/3 days. Anyway, when I woke up on Friday morning, I heard shouting (Which is not unusual in my house, because we've all got loud voices). Later that day, after my dad went to work, my mum informed me that she told him about the amount of time he would be down in London for and apparently, he flipped out and shouted at her when she suggested that he take a different tube train than the one he normally does, plus he was in a really bad mood, which pissed me off even more and to top it all off, he stood on my mum's broken toe and didn't even properly apologize before going to work. He's lucky that he left or else I would've hit him, honestly. Thankfully, I got away from the house on Saturday to see a friend, which I am completely grateful for. I wasn't really feeling well, but I just had to get away. So yeah, I got a lot of motion sickness from about 3 hours of bussing and a 10 minutes in a park. -I'm such a weakling. :P
So anyway, after all that and coming home to my dad being a grumpy arse again, I'm not entirely surprised that I'm feeling like crap tonight. I suppose It'd be okay if I was just tired, but I'm feeling sad and angry and all that "Good" stuff that makes a lot of people call me miserable..Which I'm only just starting to understand. So, yeah, now all I want to do is cry and sleep and hit someone, preferably my dad, but myself would do. Plus I can feel impatience making a presence in the back of my mind. Hopefully this "Funk" I'm sinking into won't last that long.

Now for some brief but good news: My brother and I are becoming close, it's always been difficult for us to get along because he's 13 years older than me, but recently, he's become more sociable (I think because he's given up smoking) And is now talking to me, although most of the things we talk about is immature Internet rubbish, I'm happy that we're getting along.

Anyway, The tiredness is really getting to me now and I've still got things to do tonight, so ciao for now. x

Angry At My Dad

For the past few days, my dad has been in a mood; and I'm pretty sure it's mostly aimed at me. Now I'm only allowed to be on my laptop when I'm in my room or he isn't home, because my typing annoys him. Well his stupid tapping on the PlayStation controller annoys me, yet I can't complain.! Ggrrr. If that's not bad enough, he's angry at me because I got my mother a better card and present for her birthday on Friday. How can he take that out on me.?! Sometimes I could hate him, I really could.

On a lighter note, I got back to reading again. I read a book 'Evernight' by Claudia Gray and 'Jessica's guide to dating on the dark side' by Beth Fantasky. Both are vampire romance novels and quite good. I don't normally go for teen reads, but these are a quite nice exception. Right now I'm reading 'Darke Academy: Secret Lives' by Gabriella Poole, I haven't been able to really get into this story, although at nearly 100 pages in, I think something is about to happen, so finger crossed. With all the books that I've been ordering, I'm wondering how much to tip my postman, I feel sorry for the amount of weight I've added to his round, no matter how much my Mum says that he's just doing his job. :P

I still haven't got my hair cut. *Sigh* But I will definitely get it done in the next week, with or without an "Escort". I'm getting slightly nervous about it now, as I keep having dreams about getting a very bad cut. :( Speaking of dreams, I've been having some about having a baby. Although I would one day like children, I think for the time being, I'll settle for a dog. :) Which is another thing that has got my father angry - he doesn't like animals, so he got pissed when my mother and I started talking about getting one.

Anywho,time to go.
TTFN. xD

Not in the mood.

Lately I haven't been in the mood to read. It's strange because for the last year and a half, all i've done is read. I think it's because all of my books are about Romance and i'm feeling rather bitter about love for the last two weeks. Although, that hasn't stopped me from buying more books. I don't even have the room for them all.! So i'm going to try and force myself to read again. Who knows, maybe it was just the book I was reading at the time..

I've been quite happy for the last week. It's not that I was particularly sad before that, but i've definitely noticed a difference. I think it has something to do with actually getting out into the world and seeing people in person, as opposed to just talking to them online. Plus I went to the beach, who doesn't feel even a little bit better after that.? :P I also took the chance to do what I used to do and listen to someone else talk for a change. Sometimes hearing my own thoughts get on my nerves. Anyway, after spending two days out of the house in a row, I got really tired and almost fainted in the middle of a gift shop, luckily though, the air-conditioning helped me and I went home pretty soon after.

Today I had an appointment with my youth worker. Usually, she'd drive me to the private library near where she works, but she didn't have enough time, so we went to a park and had a drink instead. We still had a good chat though, she's extremely easy to talk to and hopefully I can start to meet her at her office, instead of her always doing home visits, maybe then i'll feel some more independence.

I started watching a new show called 10 things I hate about you and then found out that it got cancelled. I hate it when a show gets cancelled before it's shown in a different country, it might be a bigger hit somewhere else, but nooooooo. Yet they keep shows that really should of left the screen long ago. It's especially annoying when the show creators don't end the show in a right way, and it leaves the viewers screaming at the screen 'What happens to the characters.?!'

My mum hasn't been well today, I think she had a nightmare last night, her screaming woke me up. Hopefully she'll be better tomorrow so we can go into town and get our hair cut. I want to get a heavy side fringe to frame my face, that way if I get hot and want my hair up, my fringe will still add a flattering shape to my face. That's my theory anyway.

Well that's it or now. Ciao.

First Post.!

Well, this is my very first post. This blog isn't completely random. You see, one of my oldest and dearest friends suggested this to me as it's time consuming and I have a lot of time. I'm sure she thinks I have some thoughts about things that should be more public. So thanks my Faerie Princess.! (You know who you are ;))

Now, i'm not sure who would want to read this. (If you are in fact reading this, I didn't mean that as an offending remark. In fact I thank you for reading this far (Y)) Where was I?...Ah, yes.! I'm not writing this just for people to read, this is for me to quietly put in to words what's bouncing around in my head...Is that selfish of me.?

Now, thanks to a friend, i'm addicted to tea. And it's not even the normal kind anymore. I've converted to herbal tea. I'm glad I did, because the milk I have in regular tea gives me a blocked nose. (I'm slightly lactose intolerant.) Plus I can drink it cold if I forget about it.

I've decided that i'm going to be serious about my diet and cut out most of the snacks. (Like chocolate.) Although I do have a theory as to why my jeans are suddenly too tight: I think that i've grown and my hip bones have become wider. I know that sounds like a silly excuse and that I am just gaining weight, but i'm perfectly serious.!

Tomorrow is the day that i'm seeing my first best friend for the first time in years, and i'm very happy about that. It's the first time that i'm looking foreward to leaving the house in a long time.

It's funny how reconnecting with an old friend can change your mood in a big way. Last week I was thinking "I need to get in contact with my sister" so I searched for her on a well known social network and started adding other people I used to know. One of them is little pixie, and now that i'm talking to her again, I feel a whole lot better. She's one of those people you can talk about anything to, and I missed that so much without even realizing it. So thank you to all those people that listen and make a difference to people.!

Anyway, Imma shut up now. My mum wants me to enter her in an online competition for something she doesn't even need.

Twy. x